Haphazard Reviews

formspring.me

2011-10-27T14:33:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything http://www.formspring.me/zelzega

If you could be a pie, what kind of pie would you be?

2011-08-08T20:54:00.001-07:00

If you could be a pie, what kind of pie would you be?

Answer here

formspring.me

2011-07-04T16:44:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/zelzega

Scott Pilgrim vs The World (2010)

2010-08-29T21:28:00.000-07:00

An epic of epic epicness

At 22 years old, Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) has a pretty awesome life. He's in a rock band, he has a 17 year old chinese girlfriend (Ellen Wong) who idolizes him, and he has a fantastic gay roommate (Kieran Culkin). His life is going great when it's flipped upside down by a mysterious, stunning, rollerblading, hair color-changing chick, Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead).

In order to win a relationship with Ramona, Scott must battle her 7 evil exes!
~~~~~~~~~

I loved this movie, loved loved loved it. There are countless references to old school Nintendo - Zelda, FF2 (yes, FF2 [when it was released in 1991 it was FF2]), and others. Some references are direct, some indirect, and all of them are amazing.

Not gonna lie, I was nerdgasming throughout the movie, from my beloved Nintendo, to simple animé-esque hairstyles and twinkles of the eye. Everything was over-the-top yet fit so perfectly. The movie used a lot of 8-bit sound bites and it made me a little sad as I miss the awesomeness that is 8-bit music. It's just so badass.

There isn't much more that needs to be said, this movie is incredible and you should see it ASAP. If you have ever played....ever loved, NES or Super NES, you will love this movie.

I feel the need to play FF2 again…and Zelda (all of them)…and Street Fighter 2.

mmmmm the video game is pretty awesome too.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

I'm a bad bad person

2010-07-02T23:25:00.000-07:00

So I have like 5 or 6 movie reviews to do and just haven't felt like typing. I plan on getting them either typed or taped sometime next week (hopefully). I should have done this last month especially since one was new to theaters and now it's not, but whatever.

Movies to review:
• Bitch Slap
• Niagara
• Prince of Persia
• Pandorum
• 1941

After I watch the season 5 finale of Doctor Who, I'll do an overall review of the new series (seasons 1-5).

Um…that's it for now. I'll have stuff in the next couple of weeks.

Crank: High Voltage (2009)

2010-05-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

Crank: High Voltage is the sequel to 2006's Crank. Jason Statham reprises his role as Chev Chelios - the superhuman hit-man.

Picking up 3 months after Crank ended, Crank: High Voltage is another adrenaline rush of a movie. Story has it that Chelios' heart is transplanted into another man and Chelios is weird with an artificial heart. This is most unsatisfactory and Chelios goes on a rampage to get his heart back.

This movie isn't quite as an adrenaline rush as Crank was as adrenaline isn't really required. Whereas in the first movie adrenaline was needed to keep the poison at bay, in this movie he just needs to keep an electrical charge. Of course this electrical charge makes for some very humorous scenes.

Basically, Crank was always go-go-go adrenaline, can't stop or you'll die, action-pack of a wtf movie. Crank: High Voltage takes the more humorous approach of gotta keep that electrical charge to the heart.

There were many throw backs to the first movie and many returning actors, and don't worry if you forgot who's who, they cover it in the movie. This movie does a fantastic job of reiterating the characters.

I got a huge kick out of the humor of this movie, they went for over-the-top humor in addition to the over-the-top action. It's definitely a movie worth watching at least once.

And all I have to say is: Godzilla scene was the best.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

2010-04-29T22:04:00.001-07:00

Typically I wait a day or two to write my opinion to let a movie soak in. I also typically wait when seeing Advanced Screenings as I don't remember policies and I don't want to get in trouble, but I figure - the East Coast has already had their midnight showings and the West Coast is going to have it in 2 hours, I figure it's safe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had low expectations for A Nightmare on Elm Street as most remakes don't live up to the originals (some do), and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. The remake was quite good.

This movie combines several of the previous A Nightmare on Elm Street movies into one coherent movie. The story has a fantastic flow and many of the scenes are similar to the original but updated. Often times when movies like this are updated with modern technologies (laptops, cellphones, iPods) they suck, but this movie handled it well.

My biggest complaint is that the CG sucked. I was highly disappointed with the wall scene (you know what scene I'm talking about), the original handled it much better. Thankfully there wasn't a lot of CG, I can think of only about 3 noticeable CG moments and 2 were in the same scene (connected). My other complaint is that the Freddy face wasn't as good as the original - the hook nose is needed IMO.

However, though the mask was disappointing, Jackie Earle Haley is amazing. I adore him and he played the part…well…like a dream. I was very pleased with his performance.

The movie didn't have a lot of gore, surprisingly, I thought in this day and age it was GORE GORE GORE, but it was done very well. Monica mentioned that the original had tons more gore.

The best part is that the movie made me jump. I'm always looking for a movie that'll scare me and this movie did. I'm happy, I really am, a movie that genuinely made me jump!

Sadly the CG sucked, but overall the movie was quite good.

Edit: I forgot to mention the art history aspect of the movie. Nancy (Rooney Mara) had many classic painting prints/drawings hanging on her wall as she loves to draw. Pretty much the best known works of each best known artist. This was fun to see but isn't what excited me. What I thought was humorous (and not many would probably get this), but when researching "sleep deprivation" you could see in Images The Nightmare by Fuseli. Also, there was Saturn Devouring his Son by Goya. Both Goya and Fuseli are my most favorite Romanticism artists and both often focused on the topic of sleep (especially Goya).

I got a kick of this.

Rating:
①②③④⑤
3.5

Kick-ass (2010)

2010-04-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

Kick-ass opened last night and I rushed out to see it - I was not disappointed. Lately movies have been bad, disappointing, and not worth the movie. Kick-ass is the opposite - it's amazing, it's exciting, it's worth every penny.

Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) is an unnoticed high school student and comic book fan with a few friends and who lives alone with his father. His life is not very difficult and his personal trials not that overwhelming. However, one day he makes the simple decision to become a super-hero even though he has no powers or training. (via IMDB.com)

Where do I begin…I think I'll just jump right into reaction of the movie.

The movie theater erupted with cheers, hollers, clapping, laughing, and screams of "oo oh OW, ffffffuuuuu". Well placed humor, well placed action, and well-chosen actors make this movie a non-stop action-packed WTF-this-is-incredible 2 hours of pure awesome.

This movie is violent, to me it was the perfect amount of violence - some of it was simply painful violence and some it was more comedic, but all of it was worth it.

I have to say, from my perspective, the actors were well chosen. Aaron Johnson is the perfect amount of nerd and cool, and he is handsome. His eyes are gorgeous. Chloë Moretz (Hit-Girl) was the most bad ass 11 year old that ever existed. She had the best lines in the movie and she delivered them with such precision that you can't help but love her. She has the best weapons and quite frankly - I wanted to be her. Nicolas Cage was pretty amazing, he was the nerdy tech-driven former-cop-out-for-revenge Big Daddy. He was just the right amount of bad ass superhero and nerdy dad to be awesome and enjoyable. Lastly, Mark Strong was the perfect villain for the movie, he looked the part, he spoke the part, he was perfect.

This movie is a must-see, go see it now. I haven't been this pleased with a movie for a while, I was pumped up for the rest of the night excited. The boys I went to see the movie with were also super pumped and they haven't liked movies in a long time. To see them so excited after a movie is a revelation, you will not be disappointed.

I really want badass weapons…

Rating:
①②③④⑤6
Yeah, that's right, I gave it a 6 on a scale of 1-5.

Hollywoodland (2006)

2010-04-17T10:24:00.000-07:00

Hollywoodland follows the story of Detective Louis Simo (Adrien Brody) as he investigates the mysterious death of Superman's George Reeves (Ben Affleck).

George Reeves was the talk of the town, he wanted to be a star and landed the reoccurring role of Superman on 1950s television. Beloved by both adults and children, Reeves lived the Hollywood life, but he wanted more than just being Superman, he wanted to be a serious actor. Reeves was unhappy and as a result he took his own life.

This movie was amazing. The complexity of the characters and the intertwining of lives both physical and metaphorical are intriguing. Everyone viewed Reeves differently - he was a great actor, he was two-bit; he was happy, he was unhappy - as Detective Simo uncovers more stories of Reeves' life, the story twists and turns and you never know what's truth and what's delusion. Thankfully the end of the movie wraps up with the accepted truth so that you're not left with a thousand conspiracy theories in your head.

Typically I don't like Ben Affleck, he isn't a good actor and he typically makes the same lame faces. However, I was extremely surprised and pleased with his performance in Hollywoodland. Affleck managed to deliver true emotion and was the all-american Hero that you would expect from Superman. Is Ben Affleck finally growing up? I was very impressed with his performance.

Overall I really enjoyed this movie, I wasn't sure what to expect, but as the story twists and turns and lives interact, you find yourself getting wrapped up in their lives too. Everyone can relate to someone on some level and all the characters entice a feeling out of the viewer.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Crank (2006)

2010-03-25T15:34:00.000-07:00

Normally I wait a day or two or five to write a review, that way there is time for the movie to settle in and I can formulate a reasonable opinion. However, after watching Crank, I couldn't wait.

This movie is WTF.

Chev Chelios, professional assassin, is killed by his rivals via Beijing Cocktail - a type of poison - but alas he doesn't die. Adrenaline slows the poison, but doesn't cure and Chev spends the die hyped up, coked out, and on a non-stop adrenaline rush trying to find the antidote and seeking revenge.

The entire movie is as revved up as the 2 minute trailer makes it seem, it's constantly go-go-go with only 5 second downtimes. The downtimes are over before you even realize they were there.

It's a nice blend between crazy hardcore action and humor with oddly placed random hysterics that wouldn't necessarily be funny in any other setting, but due to the odd placement, it made me fall over with laughter.

The ending left me thinking "wtf? why would they do this?" but I suppose that's why there's a Crank 2.

The entire movie was over-the-top-wtf-my-brain-hurts-non-stop-action. Oh and don't forget the very public sex scene. (^_~)

Rating:
①②③④⑤
I kinda only want to give it a 3, but there were some scenes that were so amazing, I bumped it to 4.

The Runaways (2010)

2010-03-21T10:12:00.000-07:00

The Runaways, movie

The Runaway is a coming-of-age story about the all girl 70s rock band, The Runaways. The movie focuses on the lead singer Cherie Currie who tells the tale of becoming a rock star, being alienated, and falling from grace.

I didn't know much about The Runaways when I saw this movie; Joan Jett and Lita Ford are the two biggest names to come from this band, though the movie focuses on Cherie and Joan.

Dakota Fanning was an excellent choice to play Cherie, you can relate to her as a school outcast, as someone who is tired of their life and wants change. Her descent into the world of jailbait rock-and-roll, drugs, and sex is intense and dirty. I always knew Dakota was quite the little actress, but this movie brings her new abilities, I don't think any other young actress could pull it off. I was put off by Kristen Stewart playing Joan Jett, but she wasn't as bad as I thought she'd be. She's still dead in the eyes, maybe it's a medical condition? and her voice still irritates me, but she was a decent Joan.

The Runaways does a good job of setting up characters, developing those characters, and concluding the stories of the main characters.

Overall I was happy with this movie, it was well done and I learned a lot about The Runaways.

I would recommend seeing it once, whether in the theater or on DVD doesn't really matter to me, but it's worth seeing if you're interested in all-girl jailbait 70s rock-in-roll.

The Runaways

Rating:
①②③④⑤
It's a 3.5

She's Out of My League (2010)

2010-03-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

She's Out of My League is about an average guy (a 5) who meets and starts dating a hard 10 (smoking hot chick). The laws of attraction say they shouldn't be dating, but they overcome the odds and try it out anyway.

This movie was amazing. I didn't expect much from it based on the commercials, but when I went to an advanced screening of it, I was very pleased. The movie balances nicely the geeky guys (Jay Baruchel, T.J. Miller, Mike Vogel, and Nate Torrence)'s lives and the hot girls (Alice Eve and Krysten Ritter). I loved this balance because you got to see both worlds, the "not-perfect" world and the "perfect" world - which turns out to be not so perfect.

She's Out of My League is a very relatable movie. Whether it's traditional families, trash talking families, skanky ex-girlfriends, too good to be true ex-boyfriends, or simply a cross of social statuses - everyone can somehow relate to this movie - maybe you're just a geeky guy yourself, oogling hot women.

One of the best parts of the movie is the fact that there is never a slow moment. There are places where you would expect a slow moment, but they jump into the next joke or the handle the situation differently which allows for the movie to keep pace. The humor is very well placed and kept me laughing constantly.

I thought this movie was going to be the generic "look at our crazy antics" and to a point it was, but it was also on a new level that makes it stand out more than other movies. It takes the best parts from the generics and lops it together while leaving out the crap, and the casting was fab.

I say see it.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Død Snø [Dead Snow] (2009)

2010-03-08T13:21:00.000-08:00

***I think I'm tired of putting Spoilers, assume all movies have spoilers***

A group of medical students go on a ski holiday during Easter break. They're set for a week of fun in the snow, but their trip takes a turn as they encounter an unusual fellow who tells tales of Nazi occupation in WWII and the treasures they stole from the area. Their vacation quickly turns to horror when they are attacked by…NAZI ZOMBIES!

I first came across the trailer for this movie last year and was highly intrigued. It's a Norwegian movie that I never saw in the States, but just a few weeks ago it finally came on DVD, and I have to say…this movie is worth the wait.

The trailer makes the movie appear campy, cliché, and all around ah-mazing, and that is what this movie delivers. It has everything you want from a zombie movie - sex, zombies, stories, chain saws, guns, a machine gun set on a skidoo (what?), and treasure (well something need to bring the zombies back).

Død Snø is an IFC movie and shows that you don't need a large budget and top-of-the-line special effects to make a good movie. Simple campiness and good actors is plenty, at least for this movie.

I definitely think this is a worth-watching movie if you want a good classic zombie movie. It's hilarious, it has it's moments of being gross, and for some reason they seem to be obsessed with intestines.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Push (2009)

2010-03-02T11:58:00.000-08:00

On the run from the Division, a shadowy government agency that uses people with psychic abilities to do their bidding, telekinetic Nick Gant (Chris Evans) and clairvoyant Cassie Holmes (Dakota Fanning) join forces to find a third psychic who can help them destroy the organization. But when the Division picks up their trail, it sends a powerful agent (Djimon Hounsou) to stop them at all costs in this atmospheric thriller. (Netflix.com)

The above description makes the movie sound exciting, and the beginning of the movie is; it starts out to be such an awesome movie…and then it goes nowhere.

Basically, since WWII (thanks to the Nazis) there has been a division aptly named “The Division” that runs tests on psychics to increase their powers. These psychics consist of the Watchers – those who see the future, Movers – telekinetic powers, Shifters – those who can make one thing look like another, Sniffers – can sense where one has been by sniffing an item, Bleeders – those who scream at such a level as to burst eardrums, explode fish, and break things, Shadowers – ones who block the visions of Watchers and Sniffers, and lastly the Pushers who can push thoughts into another’s mind. There are also some who can erase memories, though I can’t remember what they’re called.

The beginning of the movie has a Mover, Watchers, and Bleeders and a villainous Pusher, throughout the first 30 minutes it has potential of being an amazing superpower movie with such scenes as Nick shoving Cassie out of the screams of the Bleeders. It continues to build momentum with them trying to find a certain psychic that has a drug that will bring down the Division. It is at this point that the movie stops going anywhere. With the introduction of Kira Hudson (Camilla Belle), the movie becomes just a barrage of Mover vs Mover and Pushers pushing. The fight scenes are unexciting when they should be exciting and there is no real development. It all becomes rushed.

I was expecting this movie to be bad yet entertaining, but it was just bad. Dakota Fanning was amazing; she was probably the best part of the movie. Djimon Housou was a great choice for a villain though they didn’t give him enough development. Chris Evans had potential, but again, they didn’t give him enough depth. Camilla Belle is an ok actress, but her character felt flat. She was the big amazing super-psychic that survived the drug, and yet she felt…uninspired.

Only watch this movie if you’re a huge Dakota Fanning fan.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976)

2010-03-01T18:40:00.000-08:00

***not really "spoiling", just giving a heads up***

The Man Who Fell to Earth is a 1976 movie starring David Bowie as an alien from a planet in a severe drought that has become a desert. He journeys to Earth and starts high-tech companies in order to use the profits to build ships to transport water back home.

The Man Who Fell to Earth is a movie that has to really be watched. It jumps around a bit without much explanation and if you aren’t paying attention, you’re bound to miss something, as it is a choppy movie. This movie touches on a large variety of themes ranging from greed, lust, and self-destruction to love and heroism. In his pursuit of water, Thomas Jerome Newton (David Bowie) loses himself to a woman, to work, and becoming a lab rat.

This movie delves into lust/sex with lots of full-frontal nudity from both men and women, which isn’t necessarily bad since you get to see a full-frontal David Bowie, and several of the sex scenes are rather bizarre, yet they fit with the pace of the movie.

I can see why this film is a cult classic, it forces you to think a bit and David Bowie as an alien is very fitting. His striking eyes, awesome orange/blond hair, and pale thin body embodies what a human-like alien should be. In addition, they show the true alien form that is even more fitting of what you might imagine a humanoid alien to look like.

There are some scenes that could be considered disturbing by some, such as a close-up of Mary-Lou wetting herself, or the many full frontal nudity, or even the tests performed on the alien.

All-in-all I enjoyed the movie and would recommend it if you’re a fan of Bowie or a fan of odd movies. It isn’t a must-see, but a should-see.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Knowing (2008)

2010-02-11T15:16:00.000-08:00

Fifty years after a time capsule was buried at a local school, teacher John Koestler (Nicolas Cage) examines its contents and discovers that it holds many shockingly true predictions. Soon, John is convinced that his family will play a role in an impending apocalypse. Rose Byrne co-stars as Diane Wayland, the daughter of the woman who first buried the capsule, in this tense blockbuster thriller from ace sci-fi auteur Alex Proyas. (Netflix.com)

***SPOILER***

I expected this movie to be bad and I was actually quite surprised, it was amusing. The majority of it was generic – prophecy comes to professor, professor goes crazy trying to solve riddle, solves riddle, apocalypse.

What really got me was the end; it was a refreshing twist on the apocalypse. Rather than have the earth open and swallow everyone, it was a sun flare that destroyed the ozone layer and burnt everything (Yes the world dies!). There were explosions of course, but they felt more plausible.

There were also these angel/aliens that I like to call angiens who came to take the “chosen ones” aka children to start a new world. These angiens took human form until they were leaving the planet in these amazing spaceships, when they entered the spaceships they became plasmic with visible organs and their wings were like ectoplasmic fog. It was visually stunning.

I don’t really know what all to say about this movie, the majority of it was typical but the ending was refreshing. I’d say rent it once if you’re bored, but it’s not really a must-see.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Death Trance (2005)

2010-02-11T15:03:00.000-08:00

Driven by an insatiable appetite for destruction, master samurai warrior Grave (Tak Sakaguchi) incites the ultimate battle when he steals a mythical coffin from its resting place at the sacred Tougan Temple. In this nonstop adventure filmed on location, rustic Japanese countryside complements bold cinematography to bring an edgy style to the film. Fight choreographer Yuji Shimomura makes his directorial debut with this ambitious fantasy actioner. (Netflix.com)

I didn’t know what to expect from this movie, but I was very pleased. There isn’t too much of a story, the majority of the movie takes place with various people dragging the mythical coffin through the woods and fighting with each other, however, those fight scenes make the movie worth watching.

Crazy cool weapons, semi-steampunk world and interesting characters (there is some development throughout the movie) makes it an entertaining movie, especially if you’re into D&D as several of the weapons are very Harlequin.

This movie is a win, you should watch it, not much is needed to be said.

Rating:
①②③④ ⑤
storyline is more of a 3, but the weapons are damn cool

Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell (1991)

2010-02-11T14:37:00.000-08:00

So about a week ago I decided I wanted to watch a bad movie and I came across Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell on Netflix; the title alone screams bad. The opening sequence is hilarious and I was stoked for this movie to be hysterical, but after about 5 minutes it quickly changed.

Apparently there was a nuclear holocaust and the 99% of the world’s population was destroyed. Pets became livestock, dinosaurs rule, and those who survived were mutated by the radiation with a few exceptions. There is one girl left in the world, Lea, and this is her adventure of surviving in Dinosaur Hell. She meets a man, Marn, and they fall in love (?), but then she is kidnapped and attempted to be raped and it’s up to Marn to save her.

The title sounds like a porno and quite frankly with it being a Troma Film, it isn’t far off from one. To really explain how I felt about this movie, I’m going to do a Pros and Cons list.

Pros

There are boobs – the boobs aren’t until nearly the end, but there are boobs.
The opening scene is hysterical – they show scenes of the nuclear holocaust, and Lea explains about being a Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell
The Masked Stranger that you meet about halfway through the film is pretty awesome.
- At one point he gives Lea a book and she tears out a page not knowing what it is, so he hand her an ABC baby book instead.

Cons

There is minimal dialogue
- Lea talks about twice in the movie, once is a small conversation
- Marn talks about once
- The Old Man is the one who talks the most and it’s only about a paragraph worth
There is no character introduction – they sort of show up and become part of the story, but you’re never introduced to them. Suddenly names are used, but they’re never told whom those names belong to, you just have to assume.
There is tons of pantomiming in the movie so the story, if there is one, is not clear
The only “nymphoid” in the movie is the fact that she is the only girl and she wears a bikini.
The only “barbarian” thing about her is that she has a fur bikini and she can’t read. Her fighting ability is a joke.
The “dinosaurs” aren’t really dinosaurs, I suppose that the lizard-type body makes them dinosaurs
- There was the dung-beetle dino
- The dog dino
- The water dino that actually sort of looked dinosaur-ish
- The bat dino
- And some weird water dino that I don’t even know how it was made.
- It didn’t seem like a hell – the world was very green, other than a few attempted gang rapes, it didn’t seem hellish.

For 99% of the movie I was confused, I was beyond confused, but after having watched the trailer, it makes more sense. The trailer is really all you need to watch as it does the explaining for you. The movie itself does not live up to what the trailer sets up and my brain was hurting for the entire night after that movie. It’s more trouble than it’s worth.

Rating:
①②③④⑤
Can you rate a 0?

When in Rome (2010)

2010-01-31T14:58:00.001-08:00

I expected When in Rome to be highly predictable and not very entertaining, I was surprised to find that although highly predictable it was still entertaining. It was a pleasant surprise.

After traveling to Rome for her sister's wedding and meeting Nick (Josh Duhamel), cynical Guggenheim curator Beth (Kristen Bell) steals coins from the Fontana D'Amore. She finds herself being wooed by several ardent suitors, but is it love or is it a spell from the coins? Beth now has to figure out if Nick really loves her or if he's simply under a spell.

When in Rome is a typical romantic comedy - love starts to find itself, there's a lie, everything falls apart, in the end love conquers all, yet like other romantic comedies, it still invokes that sense of "awwww". This movie has quite the cast to add to the humor: Danny DeVito, Dax Shepard, Will Amett, and Jon Heder are the suitors along with Josh Duhamel. Angelica Houston is the fear-inducing boss at the Guggenheim and Lee Pace makes an early appearance as the ex-boyfriend of Beth.

The suitors are really where the comedy lies.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Sunshine Cleaning (2008)

2010-01-31T14:42:00.000-08:00

This is one of those movies that has a surface storyline and an underlying storyline. On the surface, it's two sisters trying to run a crime scene cleanup business; underlying - the true story - is two sisters trying to survive and find themselves.

Rose Lorkowski (Amy Adams) finds herself a single mother attempting to support her son Oscar (Jason Spevack) and her unreliable sister Norah (Emily Blunt) while working a mundane job as a maid. Once the head cheerleader in school with plenty of prospects, Rose now has little to show for her years, and while she still sees the former lead football player (Steve Zahn), it is little more than a despondent affair. When Oscar is expelled from public school, Rose takes a job as a bio-hazard crime-scene cleaner to help pay for a private education, and brings Norah on to help in her steadily growing business. As the sisters work to clean up the messes left behind by the chaotic lives of others, they must learn to reconcile their own differences and overcome a troubled past if they hope to prosper in their newfound venture. (IMDB.com)

Sunshine Cleaning is an odd movie to describe, it's labeled as a "dark comedy" but it is much more than that - it has a depth to it. The casting in this movie was ideal, not only do Amy Adams and Emily Blunt look similar, they carry themselves similar too - if you didn't know any better, you'd think they were sisters. The interactions between characters is enjoyable and relatable whether it's business, family, lovers, or potential lovers. The interactions between Rose and Winston (Clifton Collins Jr) was probably my personal favorite.

There are moments when the movie gets a little slow - usually the moments of realization, but they're necessary to really understand why someone acts the way they do.

Overall I enjoyed this movie and highly recommend it. Think of it more as a coming of age movie than a dark comedy, but the comedy portions are quite funny. I do wish it was a bit more dark comedy and I would've liked to have seen more of Rose and Winston.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)

2010-01-24T18:04:00.000-08:00

***SPOILER***

I expected Oscar quality from the third installment of Resident Evil since such all-stars like Ashanti were starring in it. Thankfully they kill her off fairly quickly.

Resident Evil: Extinction was suppose to be the last installment of a Resident Evil trilogy, however, a fourth movie is due out 2010 called Resident Evil: Afterlife. It makes sense that there is a fourth movie as the third one left it completely open, even demanded, a fourth one be made.

In Resident Evil: Extinction, 5 years has passed since the outbreak of the T-virus. The virus has spread across the world turning people and animals into zombies, killing off plant life, and drying up rivers and lakes; few people survive and those survivors must stay on the move. This constant moving requires gas for vehicles which in turn allows for Alice (Milla Jovovich) to cross paths with Claire (Ali Larter)'s caravan. From here is where the "adventure" really begins.

This movie is slow, the action is nice, but nothing is really achieved. The opening scenes show Alice clones dying as Umbrella Crops - namely Dr. Isaacs - tries to duplicate the awesome powers of Alice. Speaking of awesome powers, we see early on that Alice has psychic powers. This is probably the best part of the movie as she blows up birds and fights evil. Other descriptions of this movie talk about the characters trying to survive in Las Vegas. In actuality, Vegas plays only a small role where they're looking for gas, but it is also the location where many of the characters die, which brings me to this; this movie kills off nearly all the main characters, definitely all the drivers of the caravan (with the exception of Claire as the caravan still needs a leader). They fight super-zombies in Vegas which leads into Alice finding the Umbrella Corp location (not in Vegas) where she has her "epic" battle with the now mutated monster Dr. Isaacs (I don't feel like going into detail of the Vegas fight as it was chaotic, but just know that Dr. Isaacs was there, was bitten, and overdosed on Anti-virus, thus becoming a super-monster).

This movie is not worth this review so I'll just say that Alice is not only kick-ass, she also has psionic powers, this is probably the best part in the movie. The rest of the movie was just meh. 1 hour and 40 minutes felt more like about 45 minutes as nothing really happened.

Also, Alice tells Umbrella Corp Tokyo that she's coming to get them and she's bringing her "friends" which you see at the end being hundreds of Alices. This ending screams 4th movie.

I wanted awesomely bad and only received bad. If this movie happens to be on TV, maybe you might want to watch it, but don't waste your money on a rental.

NOTHING GOT ACHIEVED! I really can't stress how much nothing got done.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Star Trek (2009)

2010-01-14T13:27:00.000-08:00

This review is going to be a bit different, I'll let the trailer do the talking while I simply discuss what I liked and didn't like about the movie.

This is a compilation of all the trailers

Pros:
• Classic characters and good actors
   ° Karl Urban was perfect casting for Bones
   ° Simon Pegg filled the shoes of Scotty
   ° Chris Pine gave some classic James T. Kirk looks
   ° Other casting was amazing but I don't feel like listing them all, just know I was happy with the casting
• The phasers were awesome
   ° Small red laser = kill
   ° Rotates around
   ° Large blue laser = stun
• The ships looked awesome, the stunts were fun to watch, the chemistry amongst the characters was fantastic
• I liked the alternate timeline

Cons:
• Photoshop solar flares in EVERY scene! @.@
• Some scenes were not necessary - such as the chase scene on the ice planet and the overkill of missiles throughout the movie.
• At times it was too much action and not enough Star Trek, but I was still ok with it.

Overall I liked it, there were times when it seemed like overkill or redundancy, but that's what you get with action movies. It's worth seeing once or twice.

Rating:
①②③④⑤
The characters deserve a 5
The solar flares deserve a 1

I needed to add this:

see more Funny Graphs

Bye Bye Birdie (1963)

2010-01-14T13:07:00.000-08:00

Bye Bye Birdie is a classic musical comedy, it's a campy rendition of modern society. It doesn't matter what decade you watch this movie, if you're a girl, you can relate to it. Love, lust, and jealousy all make an appearance.

None-too-successful songwriter Albert Peterson (Dick Van Dyke) hatches a plot with his secretary - and long-suffering girlfriend (Janet Leigh) - to get rock-and-roll phenomenon Conrad Birdie (Jesse Pearson) to sing one of his songs on the Ed Sullivan show. The pop star would then symbolically kiss goodbye to a young lady chosen at random from the country's womanhood, this being his last appearance before being drafted. Complicated to start with, things get more tricky as everyone including Albert's clinging mother (Maureen Stapleton) descend on the small town where the chosen girl lives. Even Albert's chemical inventions come in useful. (Source: IMDB.com

The movie speaks for itself, it's one that you need to see and not tell. I will leave you this: This movie is hilarious, memorable, and entertaining. The one issue I had with it is during the opening and closing songs, Ann-Margret says "Bird-he" rather than "Bird-ie", why does she emphasize an H that isn't there?

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Songs that stood out to me:

Bye Bye Birdie - Ann-Margret

Telephone Hour

Put on a Happy Face

Kids

Murder by Death (1976)

2010-01-14T12:46:00.001-08:00

A racist, stereotypical, cliché of a movie, Murder by Death is a classic mystery-comedy.

The top five detectives from around the world are summoned to a weekend murder in an elaborate mansion. Lionel Twain (Truman Capote) sets up a scheme to dupe the top detectives by setting up a murder for them to solve. They have the weekend to save themselves and be the first to solve the crime in order to win $1 million. Full of twists and turns, one never can expect what's around the corner in this mysterious mechanical house.

Murder by Death contains, in my opinion, an all-star cast. With such notable figures as Truman Capote, Alec Guinness, Peter Sellers, James Coco, Peter Falk, James Cromwell, Maggie Smith, David Niven, and Elsa Lanchester - to name a few, the chemistry in this movie is through the roof.

As mentioned before this movie is full of racism, stereotypes and clichés, but honestly it adds to the charm. If you're wondering why a movie like this is racist, I will simply tell you - Peter Sellers. He plays Detective Sidney Wang, a stereotypical Chinese man with buck teeth, squinty eyes, and broken english. Along with his "adopted Japanese son" who is probably the most American in the whole movie, this just screams a level of racism that people today would throw a fit over. Another notes are: Milo Perrier (James Coco) stating he's not a Frenchy, he's a Belgi and the American Sam Diamond who would rather shot first and ask questions later (those damn Americans ^_~). Oh and don't forget all the movie clichés, especially around Sam. Do you know how to whistle?

This movie is a classic, it's hilarious at every level, from simply slapstick to the acting abilities - who doesn't love Alec Guinness being feminine?

Rating:
①②③④⑤

The Gods Must Be Crazy (1980)

2010-01-08T11:23:00.000-08:00

The best way to describe The Gods must be Crazy is to call it an off-beat comedy with oddly placed humor. The movie consists of three story lines that eventually intertwine - the Bushmen of the Kalahari, the "civilized" men, and the Warlord.

The movie starts like a documentary about the Bushmen, then we see a somewhat humorous documentary about the "civilized" man, finally we get to the Warlord and some very oddly placed humor. From this point the movie is just one strange event after another. How does it all tie together? With a coke bottle.

A plane flies over the Kalahari desert and the pilot drops an empty coke bottle out of the plane. It lands near a tribe of Bushmen and they think it's a gift from the gods. It's an extraordinary tool that everyone can find a use for, but alas, there is only one. Anger, jealous, and hate - feelings unfamiliar to the Bushmen - begin to appear, so Xi (N!xau) buries the bottle. A hyena unburies it and the Bushmen deem it 'an evil object' and Xi sets out on a journey to the end of the earth. It is through this journey that he encounters the other story lines.

This movie was an odd comedy. I did laugh throughout the movie, but it was not so much an "omg that's hysterical" laugh; it was more of an "I can't believe this is happening" laugh. This movie is hard to get my head around simply for the fact that the humor was so oddly placed. It was still an enjoyable movie though and I would recommend watching it once.

Rating:
①②③④⑤
I had trouble deciding if it was a 3 or a 4. I decided to go with 3, however N!xau deserves a 5 for his acting.

One-Eyed Monster (2008)

2010-01-03T22:54:00.000-08:00

***why yes that is a penis***

If this movie sounds like a porno, you're not far off. This cheeseball of a movie revolves around the making of a porno. (via Netflix) Adult film stars Ron Jeremy and Veronica Hart reunite in this hilarious homage to horror. Stranded by a storm, the cast and crew of a porn flick fall prey to a vicious killer when Ron's (Jeremy) dismembered member is possessed by a bloodthirsty alien. Now they'll have to destroy the slithering monster before it spreads its deadly seed across the world. Amber Benson, Carmen Hart and Charles Napier also star.

So basically Ron Jeremy's penis becomes possessed by an alien, detaches itself from his body, and goes on a killing spree. It's up to the others to try to stay alive.

This movie is cheeseball, crude, and obnoxious all at the same time. This movie is awesomely bad.

I really don't know how to explain the awesomeness of this movie, it's so bad it's beyond words. Ron Jeremy's penis is on a killing spree - that's really all I can say.

Here's a trailer:

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

2010-01-03T18:19:00.000-08:00

***I don't remember how much you can see in the trailer, so I'm just doing this for safety sake***

Sherlock Holmes is done in typical Guy Ritchie style which basically means it's awesome. Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law were perfect for the parts of Det. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson. Their chemistry is what you expect of Holmes and Watson and they're quite pleasant to look at. The movie skips around a bit, a few times you encounter Holmes planning out a fight before you see the fight, it really wasn't necessary, but it fit with the Guy Ritchie style (similar to Snatch).

The movie did well playing up some classic Sherlock goodies, such as 221B Baker St. and "the Game's afoot". He had a pipe and hat, but they were different from the classic Sherlock calabash pipe and Deerstalker cap, I was a bit disappointed cause I love both of those. However, those were only minor changes that probably only a die-hard Sherlock fan would throw a tantrum over. At first I was annoyed with the supernatural storyline - black magic is at work - but then I remembered that it is typical Holmes story to have the supernatural element that Holmes debunks so magnificently (just think of The Hound of Baskerville); when I remembered this the storyline felt much better.

Plot (from imdb.com: After finally catching serial killer and occult "sorcerer" Lord Blackwood, legendary sleuth Sherlock Holmes and his assistant Dr. Watson can close yet another successful case. But when Blackwood mysteriously returns from the grave and resumes his killing spree, Holmes must take up the hunt once again. Contending with his partner's new fiancée and the dimwitted head of Scotland Yard, the dauntless detective must unravel the clues that will lead him into a twisted web of murder, deceit, and black magic - and the deadly embrace of temptress Irene Adler.

Sherlock Holmes takes place with Holmes and Watson well established as friends, partners, and solvers of crime. Watson is engaged (or soon to be engaged) to Mary Morstan and spends the movie trying to break away from Holmes crazy schemes, but due to the chemistry of Holmes and Watson, he finds himself always getting into trouble trying to keep Holmes from getting in too deep. It was highly entertaining to watch Watson try to break away from Holmes and fail every time as he realizes he needs Holmes as much as Holmes needs him.

Mary Morstan is not the only love interest in the movie, Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams) is Holmes' interest. She's a world class thief stealing from the likes of such figures as the Maha Raja. She's American so don't get confused over the lack of accent - she's not suppose to have one. Rachel McAdams is quite beautiful in the movie.

I don't really know what else to say, sorry if this review is more haphazard than normal, how else do you really describe a Guy Ritchie film without jumping all over the place? I mean after all, he jumps his movies around!

This movie is worth the money: nice action, sexy men, beautiful women, and well placed humor. Oh and don't forget about the super adorable english bulldog, Gladstone. He stole every scene that he was in.

Also, the music was done by Hans Zimmer and I have to say, I'm probably going to buy the soundtrack.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Avatar (2009)

2009-12-29T22:00:00.000-08:00

***semi-SPOILER - vague plot discussion***

I wasn't sure what to expect from this movie as it was heavily hyped (hate you McDonald's), and going in without much thought made this movie highly enjoyable. I heard this movie was visually stunning, and that stands most true. From the futuristic ships with awesome glass instruments to the spectacular colors of Pandora, the moon of Jupiter, your eyes are flooded with stunning images.

The plot is fairly typical - "superior" culture invades foreign land in search of important materials, encounters "lesser" culture and finds out that "lesser" culture is in fact not lesser. Even though it's predictable (pretty much if you hope it happens, it will happen), it's still a very enjoyable movie.

I watched this movie at the IMAX 3D, the 3D wasn't overly impressive, it actually got in the way from time to time due to the fact that if you didn't hold your head just right, the images separated and induced a headache. I would recommend the IMAX simply for the size of the screen because this movie is definitely focused more on the visuals than the storyline.

Plot (taken from IMDB.com): When his brother is killed in battle, paraplegic Marine Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) decides to take his place in a mission on the distant world of Pandora. There he learns of greedy corporate figurehead Parker Selfridge (Giovanni Ribisi)'s intentions of driving off the native humanoid "Na'vi" in order to mine for the precious material scattered throughout their rich woodland. In exchange for the spinal surgery that will fix his legs, Jake gathers intel for the cooperating military unit spearheaded by gung-ho Colonel Quaritch (Stephen Lang), while simultaneously attempting to infiltrate the Na'vi people with the use of an "avatar" identity. While Jake begins to bond with the native tribe and quickly falls in love with the beautiful alien Neytiri (Zoë Saldana), the restless Colonel moves forward with his ruthless extermination tactics, forcing the soldier to take a stand - and fight back in an epic battle for the fate of Pandora.

From time to time the lines got a little cheesy, and there were a few inconsistencies that bugged me, but overall I really liked this movie. The bioluminescent plant life and strange animals of Pandora were awe-inspiring and the story was entertaining. Go see the movie in the theater because really, to get the full experience of the bioluminescence, you need to watch it on a large screen.

I don't really know what else to say, the casting was well done, you hate the Colonel and love the scientists. Oh, it was pointed out to me, it's kind of like playing a video game; watching Jake Sully learn the ways of the Na'vi through his avatar was like leveling a character in a role-playing game.

Rating:
①②③④⑤
I was going to give it a 4, but the stunning visuals deserve a 5.

**Forgot to mention, Sigourney Weaver plays the research scientist/Diplomat Grace Augustine who is the head of the Avatar experiment. The fact this movie has Sigourney Weaver adds to its already win.

Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)

2009-12-18T22:27:00.001-08:00

***spoiler*** blah blah blah

Predictable yet adorable, Confessions of a Shopaholic follows the typical storyline of: girl lives life, girl's life changes, girl gets in trouble, girl lies and gets good life, girl loses everything, girl gets happy ending.

Even though this movie is predictable, it's adorable. You can't help but fall in love with Rebecca Bloomwood (Isla Fisher) and you feel for her. Anyone who adores shopping and doesn't own a yacht can relate to Rebecca, even if you're debt isn't $16,000+. This movie is definitely written for the female audience, you'll find yourself drooling over the fashions of Prada and the dresses from Barney's, you'll wish you were rich so you could shop all day; but just as your in the midst of wanting to go out and shop, they remind you of credit card debt and remind you that shopping has consequences.

As stated before, this movie is predictable, and in the end she gets the guy - a very cute dashing British fellow named Luke Brandon (Hugh Dancy), but this movie also has the underlying message of "be careful with your debt". Sure she gets the guy in the end and she gets her debt under control, but life doesn't play out like that outside the movie, so just watch yourselves, your debt can go out of control in the blink of an eye.

As the movie teaches, tell yourself: "Do I want it? Do I NEED it? Do I have to have it?" combine this with the 12-time (or was it 8?) look-about. If you want it don't buy it, look at it on 12 different occasions, if you still want it after the 12th look then buy it. Often times by the 12th look you find flaws, you find reasons not to buy it, and you save yourself a lot of financial heartache. (Thank you Erin for teaching me that one when we were still young).

If you want a romantic comedy that is cheesy, predictable (there's that word again), and just a feel good film, this movie is worth watching. Watching it more than once? Probably not unless you really really love clothes.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Downfall (2004)

2009-12-18T17:26:00.000-08:00

Downfall tells the story of Adolph Hitler's final days in his bunker in Berlin through the eyes of one of his secretaries, Traudl Junge.

I decided to watch this movie due to a meme on the internet (Please see video below). Having seen the same scene re-subbed over and over, I decided to watch the actual movie and was quite pleased with the movie.

Downfall (Der Untergang) is a talking drama, there really isn't much action that takes place; the action that does take place is really only there to set the scene of the war enclosing around Hitler. Often times I find that talking dramas can feel drawn out and boring since nothing ever really occurs besides talking, but this movie was different. Downfall keeps you intrigued, it isn't dry. Throughout the movie I was aware that not much physically was going on, and every so often I was aware that not much has happened, yet I still felt compelled to keep watching.

This movie shows you sides of people the history books don't. You get to see inside their heads and realize the various viewpoints of, pretty much, every side. You have Hitler - a sick man with high aspirations realizing that his end is nigh. His cruelty was timed well throughout the movie that you always remember that he was an evil genius. Hitler was well spoken and had some amazing ideas (such as a utopia of art and culture), but at the same time he was evil incarnate (mass-extermination of many races [not only the Jews]). You see those in Hitler's cabinet who were blindly loyal and those who realized the war was lost. You see kids blindly following the ways of Hitler even though their parents can see the truth. Normally I hate when children are hurt in movies, but quite frankly, I felt no sympathy for the Hitler's Youth. I actually was looking forward to them getting their comeuppance.

I think the part that got to me the most was that Traudl Junge, secretary of Hitler, never knew about the mass killings until the Neuremberg Trials. She was close to Hitler for approximately 2.5-3 years, and was there when he committed suicide, yet she didn't realize the extent of his deeds until 20 years later. In the movie, the war was always at a distance due to the safety of the bunker, and she didn't realize true hopelessness until the Russians came into Berlin. I felt that I could relate to her disconnection of what was really going on.

This movie was amazing, it is in German but there are subtitles. Though it's mostly talking, it's definitely worth the watch as it is shows Hitler's final days in so much more detail then any History Channel documentary would show. If you want to see Hitler lose hope, realize he's lost, and end his life, this movie is for you.

I really can't find the words to truly describe how I felt about this movie, just watch it.

**I was going to post the trailer for the movie, but the trailer does not do the movie justice. Instead I will only post one of the memes.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

X-Box meme:

Press Start (2007)

2009-11-24T23:04:00.000-08:00

This movie is epic.

I'm going to keep this review short because little is needed to be said, more of it is needed to be seen! If you've ever played any of the old skool gaming systems, you'll get a huge kick out of this movie. They've basically taken every famous video game character and lopped them together into a low-budget cheese-ball puns galore of a movie.

You'll recognize: characters, props, inside jokes (such as fighting styles), and other beloved video game references.

It's 100 minutes of cheesy acting, low-budgetry (I made a new word!) awesomeness.

Don't think much into it, take it at face value, it's hilarious. It's win.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

I give it a 5 cause it nostalgia win!

Countdown: Jerusalem (2009)

2009-11-24T22:35:00.000-08:00

I was tempted to make a vlog for this one so I could reenact the movie with humorous voices, but I figured it would be easier to understand text than my squeaky voice. Hmm, where to begin? Let's begin with...

***SPOILER***

Yup, a spoiler alert, because quite frankly, I'm going to tell you the entire movie right here in 30 seconds or less. Let me begin by first saying I was hoping for a religiously apocalyptic awesomely bad movie, but sadly it was just a bad movie.

The movie starts with some woman babysitting this odd little girl, I guess the girl is suppose to be like 4 or 5 years old, I'm not sure entirely - she's like some kind of mutant child. The child's mother is on the TV, it turns out she's a reporter and she's reporting on the "Peace in the MIddle East" conference. That's right folks, we have achieved peace in the Middle East! or have we? An earthquake strikes and blows up the mosque where the conference was to be held - oh noes! The reporter, Allison (Kim Little) rushes home to make sure her child Mary is safe. Mary goes to sleep and Allison watches the news and sees there are major earthquakes all around the Ring of Fire (in cause you don't know what that is, it's the ring around the Pacific Ocean that includes the West Coast of the US, Alaska, Japan, and some south Pacific islands). Next day Allison takes Mary to the park and Mary's dad Mark (Allison's ex-husband) shows up. He claims he has to go to Atlanta for a job and wants to take Mary. Allison says no several times and he leaves.
Allison takes Mary to the bathroom and Mary wants to go by herself. While going, Allison takes a call, "blah blah work blah blah earthquake blah blah I can handle it". When she goes to check on Mary…Mary is gone…

Allison precedes to freak out that her child is missing and goes to Mark's house swearing he took Mary, even though Allison was standing next to the bathroom the whole time (wouldn't we have seen him take her?). Mark isn't home so Allison finally goes to the police where a detective tells her that lots of people are missing cause of the earthquake. She still swears that Mark took Mary and goes on a mission to find her.

Suddenly there's a tornado and Allison hides in the bathroom that Mary disappeared from (well the stall next to it). Why was there a tornado?

Well Allison finds out that Mark was actually going to Jerusalem and she books it across the world. She meets a man who is looking for a package from Mark, and as the man is about to tell her about The Watchers, a nearby temple blows up, the man is killed and Allison injured. She wakes up in a hospital to meet a quite gorgeous Joseph (Clint Browning) who seems to be rather angelic *wink*. From this point on she gets herself into trouble and finds out there is this conspiracy that it's the end of the world. Mark is dead, Mary is still missing (by now you have to expect her to also be dead). Why did Mark bring Mary to Jerusalem? It's never explained. Allison continues to search for Mary. Finally at the end, Joseph takes Allison to this abandoned ancient temple and tells her to go inside. He waits outside and a helicopter comes and blows up the temple.

The killed off the main character…wut? But it doesn't end there, they show Allison in the after life being reunited with Mary (told you she was dead) and you see a silhouette on a horse. If you know your Revelations, you know why the horse is there, and if you don't - that's ok - because 2 Revelation verses appear to explain the horse.

So let's dissect this movie:

Pro:
• cheesy special effects
• cheesy acting
• hot guy (Clint Browning)

Con:
• Allison is really annoying
• the movie can be very slow at parts
• in one scene, Allison is walking, for what I assume is hours, in the desert and she isn't sunburnt. She's white…she should be burnt, instead she's a little dirty with maybe a sun-kiss. She should be burnt!
• Mary annoyed me

If you want a cheesy 1.5 hours, this movie can be entertaining, however, I was expecting crazy apocalypse and it was really just a whiny mom looking for her child. I wanted death and destruction and all I got was "where is my daughter, I want my daughter QQ QQ QQ"

I'd say stick with Transmorphers or DragonQuest.

Rating:
①②③④⑤
* It could've had a 2, but Allison was just far too annoying. I really can't stand blonde Allisons.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

2009-11-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

Honestly…you have to spoil this movie to explain it all

Where to start with this review…hmm…this movie is complex to review so bare with me as I throw it all out there.

Synopsis: Rick and Evelyn O'Connell return for their 3rd adventure. Flash-forward to 1946, the war is over the O'Connells are 'retired' from espionage work. They're called upon to deliver a rare and beautiful object to Shanghai, they agree to go with the excuse of visiting Jonathan, Evelyn's beloved brother from the first 2 movies, at his bar Imhoteps. Soon they discover that their son Alex is also in Shanghai - digging up the tomb of the Dragon Emperor and the mummy capers begin.

I thought this movie was going to be the worst movie ever made, and according to my roommate George - it is. I wouldn't say it's the worst EVER made, it's certainly the worst of the series. I'm going to list some pros and cons and my opinion on various scenes, stay tuned:

Pros:
• The comedic value of the Mummy series managed to find it's way into this movie too, though quite delayed.
• Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Michelle Yeoh, John Hannah are awesome actors (though Jet Li was hardly in the movie at all!)
• Jonathan is entertaining as always
• Yetis are win! A yeti kicking a field goal? what? WIN!
• The yakking Yak is win
• The lack of surprise at anything supernatural by the O'Connells is win
• The car chase was pretty silly and win

Cons:
• Maria Bello was trying to hard to live up to the shoes of Rachel Weisz
• The chemistry between Brendan Fraser and Maria Bello felt forced
• The son Alex, who is now suppose to be early-mid 20s has brown hair and an American accent, but in The Mummy Returns he was blonde with a British accent
• Jet Li gets his ass handed to him in a fist fight by the brawler Rick O'Connell
• General Ming was drawn-and-quartered, but when he comes back as an immortal soldier he has 2 legs and his right arm (his sword arm), he's only missing his left arm.

Ok, now to try to make some sense of my thoughts. I loved the Mummy series because they were campy and the second one, The Mummy Returns references back to The Mummy a lot. The 3rd movie thankfully does reference back to the other two movies in humorous little quips. For example, in one scene, Rick says to Alex "I have more mummy experience than you do" and Alex responds with "yeah, you fought 1 mummy" to which Rick replies "yeah, that same mummy TWICE!" I lol'd. They also blatantly reference the two earlier movies by having Evelyn be the author of two books The Mummy and The Mummy Returns. Although this movie made references back to the old movies and had silly jokes, it lacked the overall feel of the previous movies.

In The Mummy they never really go into the past about Imhotep other than what is read on pillars, in books, etc. The Mummy Returns shows us the past through Evelyn's dreams. It's never straight out "this is the bad guy" it was always done through dreams and visions. Tomb of the Dragon Emperor breaks the chain by telling the story of the Dragon Emperor at the very beginning, and for me, this disrupted the feeling of the movie right off the bat. The movie started to regain the feeling of the series later in the movie, but by then I was tainted.

I was very sad to see that Rachel Weisz didn't come back for this movie. The chemistry between her and Fraser was magical and added to the charm of the first two movies. Maria Bello felt forced, she lacked the chemistry with Fraser, and she didn't feel like Evelyn O'Connell. She lacked the librarian charm having become an espionage expert/author, it was just disappointing.

Michelle Yeoh plays the immortal witch Zu Juan, who placed the curse on the Dragon Emperor, was amazing as always. The script could be the worst movie ever and she will still be amazing in it. Zu Juan's daughter Lin (Isabella Leong), on the other hand, was disappointing. The first time you see Lin, she is a ninja trying to stop Alex - she fails miserably as a ninja, I make a better ninja! but I suppose she would have to be bad in order for the movie to progress. Also, upon encountering Alex for the first time, you can predict that they will fall in love, and of course as predictable movies go, they do. Oh and don't forget about all the times she failed at plunging the all-important dagger into the Emperor's heart.

Jet Li - the Dragon Emperor, one of the most awesome martial artists of all time, gets owned by an American brawler, what? Of course Rick O'Connell wins, he's Rick O'Connell, but at least have a more epic fight that ends a little more surprisingly. Instead in predictable matter, the fight (the actual final fight, not the fighting earlier) starts with O'Connell screaming "let's fight like real men" and he holds up his fists; the Emperor then proceeds to kicking ass via fist fight. The all-important dagger needed to defeat the Emperor is broken and Alex steals part of the dagger and dips into the water to go into a flank attack. When Rick notices half the dagger is gone, predictably, the fight reverses and now Rick is kicking ass. I like to think that it's because Rick managed to get 1 punch in and it confused the Dragon Emperor. Predictably…Alex and Rick flank attack and the dagger merges back together in the heart of the Dragon Emperor and the world is saved again!

This movie (once they finally get to China) maintains the campiness of the Mummy series, but it's to a lesser degree. Everything feels forced, chemistry is missing, and really the only thing that keeps this movie from failing completely is that the original actors are still awesome.

Oh and they ended the movie with script on the screen that said "and then there were mummies in Peru". Gosh, do you think the 4th movie will be in Peru? I figure after that they'll be like "and then there were bodies in the bogs of Ireland!" /rolls eyes

This movie was disappointing but it made for a good laugh. If they are making a 4th one, please bring Rachel Weisz back.

Rating:
①②③④⑤
② for campiness
① for overall movie

Oh and have you heard? They've made a Scorpion King 2…which is a prequel of a prequel of a character in a sequel.

I forgot to mention - the witch mentions that the Dragon Emperor will turn into grotesque horrors if he gets all his powers back (walks in the water of Shangri'la) and he totally does. At one point he's a 3-headed dragon that can fly, another point he's this strange horned-beast werewolf-where-the-wild-things-are I don't know how to fully explain it creature. Sorta cool.

How to Marry a Millionaire (1953)

2009-11-07T21:20:00.000-08:00

"Men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses"

***SPOILER-ish*** (jokes and easter eggs)

Marilyn Monroe, Lauren Bacall, and Betty Grable are three models who team up to snag some millionaire husbands.

I adored this movie, I like most (if not all) of Marylin Monroe's movies, and this movie lived up to expectations. Lauren Bacall plays the mastermind Schatze Page, she's classy, she's smart, she's ambitious. Marylin Monroe plays the blind-as-a-bat Pola Debevois and Betty Grable plays the dim-witted manipulatively flirtatious Loco Dempsey. The three ladies are quite different from one another in personality, but they all have one thing in common, they want to marry rich.

This movie was entertaining for the entire 95 minutes, and the ending had me in stitches. This was Bacall's first comedy film and she did it quite successfully. There was even a joke reference to "that old fellow what's-his-name in The African Queen" (her husband Humphrey Bogart). This movie is full of little easter eggs like the Bacall quote.

If you adore Marylin Monroe, Betty Grable, or Lauren Bacall, you'll adore this movie. I highly recommend watching it if you want a good ol'fashioned classic comedy about three beautiful women.

Rereading this review, it's kind of scatter-brained, but you get the drift. This movie is funny, adorable, and classic.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Obsessed (2009)

2009-11-05T19:46:00.000-08:00

I saw countless commercials for this movie and thought it was your generic psycho-girlfriend movie, and quite frankly that's what it is, but it's so much better than that at the same time.

Obsessed follows the Charles family consisting of father/husband extraordinaire Derek Charles (Idris Elba), his beautiful yet jealous wife Sharon (Beyoncé Knowles), and their darling baby Kyle (Nathan and Nicolas Myers). Due to a recent promotion, the Charles family is able to move into a beautiful home in Los Angeles where they live out their happy marriage. That is until attractive and intelligent temp Lisa Sheridan (Ali Larter) shows up. Lisa develops an obsession with Derek and goes out of her way to try to be with him regardless of all the times he says no.

This movie frustrated me from time to time mainly due to communications. I suppose if you're in the situation it might be different, but watching as a third person and knowing the truth, I became frustrated on countless occasions from people not listening to one another or ignoring what was being sad. Many many times I wanted to bitch-slap Lisa so many times as she never seemed to just simply stop, but of course, if she actually stopped when told to stop, she wouldn't be the awesome psycho-stalker temp now would she? There was also a time when Sharon would not shut up and I wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her while screaming "LISTEN TO HIM", but angry women are hard to please.

The entire movie really is setup for the cat fight at the end and after watching the cat fight, I have to say that it was worth it. The tension starts when Sharon first meets Lisa and already the cattiness begins. Then it escalates to the big fight at the end with Ali Larter vs Beyoncé Knowles ghetto style, and that is highly entertaining. If you can sit through the lack of communications, the constant nagging of desperation, and if you don't mind staring at a very handsome Idris Elba, you're enjoy this movie.

Ali Larter plays psycho excellently, Beyoncé Knowles is the "bitch best stay away from my family" ghetto fabulous, and Idris Elba plays the misunderstood good guy that every woman wishes for but can never seem to find.

Great choice of actors for a mediocre script, a cute baby, and a cat fight. This movie is worth watching once, but more than that? Not likely.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Paranormal Activity (2009)

2009-11-04T11:25:00.001-08:00

I didn't expect much from this movie based on the commercials. I figured it was another cheesy pop-thrill of a movie, but I was actually pleasantly surprised.

The premise of the movie is that a couple in San Diego, Micah and Katie, are trying to find out what is haunting Katie. Micah decided to try to catch whatever it is on video and so the entire movies takes place from the single camera.

At the beginning of the movie the video is rather shaky and a little nauseating, but as the movie goes on, it becomes a little more stable and tolerable. The beginning is rather boring as it's really just setup to explain why they have a video camera and to set up for the events to occur later. About halfway in or so is when the movie starts to really get good as events start to become more noticeable, more intense. My friend that I went with was scared throughout the movie, I didn't really start to get scared until close to the end when the movie, and the end scared me (for reasons that I can't say without giving away the end).

If you love watching Ghost shows like A Haunting or if you can imagine yourself in the shoes of Katie, this movie can be quite enjoyable and scary. If you're a skeptic to the grave you might not like it so much.

Going in with low expectations, the movie was surprisingly enjoyable for me.

Oh…and a note to the macho men out there…don't be macho when the paranormal are involved. Just call in the experts and be done.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Where the Wild Things Are (2009)

2009-10-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

If you loved the book Where the Wild Things Are, you'll love the movie. I was concerned when I heard there was a movie being made, after all, how do you turn a picture book that's 48 pages with maybe 2 sentences per page into a 2-hour movie? Well they did, and it was good. They essentially took the scenes from the book and made them come to life, you saw the events of the scene rather than a summary.

I don't want to go into detail as I encourage you to see the movie. It is a bit of a sad tale with some humor for both kids and adults. The monsters can be a bit disturbing from time to time so I wouldn't recommend taking tiny kids to see the movie, but ages of about 8 on up should enjoy it.

Max is played by Max Records, and honestly he was an excellent choice. He looks similar to the Max in the picture books and he conveys emotions better than most adults. You feel with him and, at least I did, you feel a part of the movie - not just watching it, but participating in it.

I was skeptical of this movie and was pleasantly surprised at how well it turned out, I highly recommend seeing this one in the theater. It's well worth the $11 tickets.

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Live Free or Die Hard (2007) - Unrated

2009-10-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

Yippie-kai-yay, motherf**ker!

If you're looking for an Oscar winner, you might want to look elsewhere, but if you're looking for a good ol' fashioned rock-'em sock-'em kickass action flick, then this movie is for you.

**SPOILER-ish***

Live Free or Die Hard is the 4th installment of the Die Hard series. Bruce Willis returns as John McClane - the invincible detective that always gets his man and looks badass while doing so. This movie, made 12 years after Die Hard: With a Vengeance, keeps up with the 21st century by basing this story in technology. Get this, hackers hack into the government and start the destruction of the USA. Tragic right? It's up to McClane by order of the government to find hacker Matthew Farrell. A simple task of picking him up becomes an action adventure of Die Hard proportions. Often times the graphics looked cheap, whether it be a field passing in the background as the car drives down the road or a massive explosion. Most of the fights are rather imaginative, can a fighter jet really float 20 ft off the ground and turn on a pin-point access without stalling? But honestly, what do you expect from a Die Hard movie? I fully expected catchy sayings, cool poses, and badass explosions and that's exactly what I got.

Computers, explosions, snarky comments, and well-timed reactions all contribute to an entertaining 129 minutes (just over 2 hours). Winstead's performance as Lucy McClane is perfectly in tune with Willis' John McClane. Kevin Smith has his witty side comments, and Justin Long represents computers nerds quite well actually. Predictable story plus big explosions make this movie enjoyable, even awesome.

Notable Appearances in my opinion:
Bruce Willis (Die Hard)
Justin Long (Mac Commercials, Jeepers Creepers)
Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Sky High, Death Proof [Grindhouse], FD3)
Kevin Smith (Silent Bob)
Cliff Curtis (Whale Rider)
Timothy Olyphant (Gone in 60 seconds)

Rating:
①②③④⑤

Warning about Spoilers

2009-10-25T19:05:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to let you know that for the most part I'm going to try to avoid spoilers, especially with new movies. Some movies, however, will require some spoilage in order to explain them. Don't worry though, I'll put ***SPOILER*** at the beginning of the post so you know that there are spoilers in that particular review.

Ta!

Welcome!

2009-10-22T15:39:00.000-07:00

So I decided that since I watch a lot of movies, I might as well do reviews of them. I didn't want "Gossips and Rambles" to become all movie reviews, after all it's meant for Gossiping and Rambling. Welcome to "Reviews by Zelzega" - a blog dedicated to movie reviews and possibly other reviews.

The first review will be for Live Free or Die Hard, I will post the review after I watch the movie.

The reviews might be a bit sporadic, it depends on how often I'm able to watch movies. I may go back and do some reviews of recently watched movies, I don't know yet.

Enjoy!